Posted by
Gunner Sykes on Monday, September 22, 2008 1:33:12 AM
Rumors from unconfirmed sources flew on the campaign trail Monday that
Barack Obama had hired former heavyweight champion Mike Tyson to
toughen up the candidate's image.
"It makes perfect sense for
Obama to hire Tyson," said Keith Olbermann, who still has a job at
MSNBC. "He definitely needs to toughen up his image after being beat up
by an Alaskan bimbo who can't pronounce nuclear. Iron Mike has
tremendous respect in the black community. Maybe some of it will rub
off on Obama."
"I hate to say it, but Obama is looking pretty
wimpy," added Anderson Cooper of CNN. "Nobody really believes that
Obama could actually take Sarah Palin one on one on the basketball
court. She would probably slip by him for an easy lay-up. That would be
political suicide."
Recent polls show Obama slipping among
voters over 35 with bowling averages higher than 100. Experts say that
Obama cannot win without them.
"It's crunch time," said
political analyst James Carville, who is fond of sports metaphors.
"Obama needs to fight his way out of the corner and Mike Tyson is just
the man to show him how. He needs to stick and move."
Savvy
political insiders believe that Obama's move to hire Tyson is a direct
response to Chuck Norris stumping for the McCain/Palin ticket. Mr.
Norris recently beat up Arianna Huffington on a national television
broadcast and sending Tyson after Sarah Palin would even the score.
Still, there are those who doubt the efficacy of the move.
"Barack
Obama couldn't even kill an inflationary tax proposal, let alone a bull
moose in full rut," said syndicated columnist Ann Coulter. "If he sends
Tyson after Palin, look for Iron Mike to go down in three."
Vice President Dick Cheney was unavailable for comment.
Gunner Sykes