(Satire)  Obama campaign manager David Plouffe announced Wednesday that Barack Obama would debate himself Friday after John McCain postponed his appearance at the scheduled debate to tend to business in Washington.

"The American people have the right and the need to hear Barack Obama. In fact, they have the duty. If John McCain doesn't show up, we will go on without him. Senator Obama has the uncanny ability to take both sides of an issue and that ability will stand him in good stead this Friday. If a crisis occurs, Senator Obama will fax the solution to congress. It's not like they listen to him anyway."

Commentators were ecstatic over Obama's decision.

"It won't make a bit of difference to me whether McCain shows or not," said Keith Olbermann. "We had only planned to show clips of Obama on my show anyway. We can have our staff of political experts speculate as to what John McCain would have said. It will be no different than speculating over what he did say."

"Trust McCain to run off to congress to do his job when there is an important debate to be televised," said Wolf Blitzer. "I knew he would weasel out. The American people have the right to see that Barack Obama is taller than John McCain. Everyone but John Kerry knows that the taller candidate always wins the debate on TV. Ask Jimmy Carter. If he had been six inches taller, we would never have had to endure Reaganomics. "

Campbell Brown reacted angrily. "That sexist McCain should let Sarah Palin off the leash and send her to debate Obama. What is the problem here? I want to know why the Governor of Alaska has never visited any foreign leader. Is she just shy? Everybody knows that state governors should be off visiting in Europe and Asia. Who cares if they have no authority to make treaties or policies for the federal government? I want to know why she doesn't want to talk to me or any other member of the press. All we want to do is ask her if she is really the mother of her child and other pertinent questions. Obama will do just fine without them."

Vice President Dick Cheney was unavailable for comment.

Gunner Sykes